“Changes come around real soon make us
women and men.”
- John Mellencamp
Santa Claus (aka, Mr. Ken Waters) sat in
Santa’s Magic Kingdom located within
Korvettes Department Store waiting for the
curtain to be opened. He’d peaked out a
minute before and saw a long line of
children and their moms snaking around the
washers, ranges and dishwashers waiting
for their turn to sit on his lap.
Finally, the curtain parted and the first child
stepped up. He couldn’t have been more
than six or seven years old, so Santa
scooped him up and plopped him on his
lap. “Well, what’s your name, little boy?”
“Jimmy,” the boy replied. “And, Jimmy, what
do you want to be when you grow up?”
Santa inquired. Jimmy didn’t miss a beat.
“A close-minded, hate-spewing bigot.” he
said. “A bigot! Well that’s fine, Jim, that’s
fine. And what can Santa bring you for
Christmas?” Jimmy thought for a second,
looked down at his proud mommy and said,
“A Colt AR-15.” Santa’s eyes widened, “An
AR-15! Okay, Jimmy, you’ve got it.” “A
COLT AR-15,” Jimmy reminded him. “Ho-
ho-ho,” Santa replied, “A Colt AR-15…I’ll
pass it on to the elves.”
Next up was another little boy named Alex.
“And Alex, what do YOU want to be when
you grow up?” Santa asked. Alex thought
very hard, then said, “I want to be a
bleeding heart, vegan, tree hugger when I
grow up!” “Excellent, Alex, my boy…and
what can I bring YOU for Christmas?” “I
want a big sign on a stick that says, ‘DOWN
WITH EVERYTHING’.” “A great big protest
sign it is, Alex. But remember to be good
now!”
No one knows what they’re going to be
when they grow up. Nor do you know what
those random kids are going to grow up to
be when you make childhood friends with
them.
It’s called growing up.
I met most of my childhood friends when I
(and they) were between the ages of 5 and
9.
We were brothers. We hung out together,
played sports together, discovered girls,
discovered drugs, discovered heartbreak
together. Through high school we stuck like
glue and stuck up for each other. And then
a funny thing happened.
It’s called growing up.
I ended up going to college at The
University of Southern Mississippi…don’t
ask how or why. While away, I made a
discovery that literally changed my life: I
discovered that I could be whomever I
wanted to be. I didn’t have to be that big,
dumb Italian jock from New Jersey
anymore. I took art classes, photography
classes, read the books I was supposed to
read in high school. But maybe ,more
importantly, I made new friends. Friends
that I chose as an adult, not a 3 rd grader.
They were very different from my friends
back home. And they became my best
friends for life.
It’s called growing up.
This concept really hit home for me when
my second wife (BTW, this is true for
marriages as well) and I moved up here to
the Adirondacks far away from and out of
contact with our old friends. What
happened? We made some really good
new friends. Friends we chose when we’re
in our 50’s and 60’s. We share values,
political views, cultural interests, hatred of
black flies and love of a good long walk in
the woods.
But the changes we make in wives, in
friends, and in interests are nothing
compared to the changes we make in
ourselves. We accept that we no longer
think Mr. T is hilarious. That a tricked-out
Trans Am isn’t as cool as we once thought
it was. That Pop Tarts and a couple of
beers hardly makes a nutritious meal.
That getting older isn’t a bad thing.
It’s called growing up.